Well, I Did Warn You...

I think, at this juncture, about the only thing I can say in my defense is that it didn't take me 12 months between entries this time. At this rate, I'll be keeping a regular blog no sooner than the age of 60 but it's progress! Progress is good.

In keeping with that theme, 2010 wound up being a year of progress. It's been a long road back to fulltime work, partially due to circumstance and an awful lot to do with me being emotionally ready for it, but a 12-month contract landed in my lap unexpectedly at the end of December and the new journey into Grown-Up Land commenced last week. So, without further adieu, I bring you my verdict.

I love it.

As most of you have probably figured out, I'm the biggest scaredy cat in the world when it comes to change. I don't like it and I certainly don't like instigating it, something that had more to do with my lack of fulltime work than I'd probably like to admit. Moving to Melbourne was a big step but I moved in with family, it was an easy transition because the foundation was already here. Someone else had found the house, had all the amenities functioning, I just slotted in with no real cause to be 'grown up' about it. Now I will admit that getting myself into a very good position with my current employer was mostly due to me but I feel very blessed in that I was lucky to find a school that is so welcoming and where the kids are, for the most part, a pleasure to be around. Teaching in Tasmania always stressed me out, I'm not sure if it's improved but I've found the Victorian system to be so much more supportive in terms of how much is done amongst colleagues rather than the individual teacher deciding everything. I actually feel like I know what I'm doing this term and that it doesn't matter that I've never clapped eyes on the VELs because my team filled in all those blanks during our planning day. I will learn this but I'm not being impeded from starting the year by not knowing it yet. It's awesome.

I also love my class. I was tremendously fortunate, I feel, to have been employed in a school that I was so familiar with because, aside from my two new students, I have interacted and got to know every child in my class through my work as a CRT. I know their names, I know their personalities, and I was able to judge just by looking at the list that I have a good group of kids who will not make me want to take every second day off for stress management. With that weight off my mind, I'm ready to fly. It will take me a while longer to feel any confidence up against my more experienced colleagues when it comes to the activities I invent and I have a lot to learn but it's manageable, it's relevant and the group of people I've been teamed with are so human and honest that I don't feel at all patronised or under-valued. Yep, this is exactly what I wanted and, for once, my comfort zone actually found a way.

Aside from all that, the year contained no major events. My grandmother has decided against a career as an acrobat and is responding well to alterations to her home as well as demands from all corners to stop pretending she's still 50. My family seem to be in a pretty good place at the moment, gymnastic geriatrics aside, and I feel pretty decluttered in terms of the amount of online baggage I kept trailing behind me. Cutting people loose is never easy but when they keep dragging you back into places that suffocate you and condemn you to making the same mistakes over and over, sometimes it's kinder on everyone if you just drift off quietly. It'll take me a while yet to figure out how I fit into this complex puzzle called life but one thing I am starting to learn is to not place myself in situations that bring out my flaws. Giving people just cause to think the worst of me isn't a great balm for an already battered self-esteem.

I want to look this happy, if not happier, at the end of the year! (If I look that skinny without weird angles, I will consider it a bonus.) So far, I have a pretty good headstart.